Like A Burden

So the big tabloid news this week is that Madonna just came back from Africa with a new adoptee named "David." This is fantastic news. This is just fucking thrilling. This is so fucking great, first Bradgelina and now Madonna, and next guess who? That's right, Britney fucking Spears wants in on this club too! What a fucking surprise!!!

Look everyone, I understand and completely support the practice of rich, overpriviledged, clueless fucking Americans adopting "underpriviledged" and poverty-destined foreign children and bringing them to the good 'ol USA to provide them a life of relative luxury they would never even DREAM of in their home of origin, but this is starting to turn into some kind of fucked-up celebrity fad and that is NOT cool. Not by a longshot.

Granted, I appreciate and admire that these people have big enough hearts and wallets to do this kind of thing, if I were a children-inclined kind of person I would certainly go that route instead of producing an unneeded rugrat of my own, HOWEVER it seems to me that an African baby is just this year's "must-have celebrity accessory" and that is just plain wrong. It serves only their own pathetic selfish needs for recognition and media attention, and that is just plain sad that these people are so addicted to cameras in their face while taking a shit that they have to go so far as Africa and adopt one of these pathetic and VERY needy children to get it.

I mean, let's face it, while Bradgelina may be in the prime of [their] careers, Madonna and Britney are clearly well past their golden years and are obviously only seeking attention. I will grant them some reprieve if they actually end up taking GOOD and responsible care of these children, but the point I am eventually trying to make is that AFRICA IS NOT A FUCKING PET STORE.

Really man, you can't go to Africa or China or god knows where else, take a look around, see a cute, poor baby and say, "Can I keep him? Can I keep him? Huh? Huh?!" That is just not fucking kosher. Again, I admire and appreciate them for wanting to take in one of these otherwise "destined-to-carry-an-AK-someday" children, but somehow I question their ultimate motives for doing so. And really, do you REALLY think that Bradgelina or Madonna or Britney are going to be the ones who ultimately end up caring for these children? Somehow I doubt it. These kids' REAL caregivers are going to be named something more like "Yolanda" or "Maria." I'm not being racist here(okay, maybe I am, but you get my point), but seriously, do you REALLY believe that Madonna or Britney are actually the primary caregivers of even their OWN children?! Again, somehow I doubt it.

Seriously people, if you genuinely DO have the heart and resources to take in one of these otherwise doomed children, I certainly encourage you to do so, but my point is DON'T do it for yourself, do it for those kids, because they genuinely need it, and there are precious little, TOO little people who are willing to take on that particular challenge and there really should be. All of you who are pushing out your own little pathetic fucking rugrats are only doing the rest of us a disservice, because there are SO many more children who are already born who need your love and support. Really man, the LAST thing we need on this planet are MORE fucking people. Let's take care of who we've already got until we decide to make more.

Lessons in Loss

Have you ever lost something important, I mean REALLY important to you, be it your father, your girlfriend, your dog, your car keys? It's a terrible fucking feeling, isn't it?

This last month I have experienced loss on a profound level, you would not even believe a person could lose so much in so short a time. I was very down about it, suicidal even, but just today I realized the lesson in it. I learned there is some, if not a lot of redemptive value in loss sometimes.

Sometimes the thing you lost is gone forever, and that is heartbreaking, and while that wound may never heal, it does get better eventually. Sometimes the thing you lost is found and returned. Sometimes the thing you lost just comes back to you.

I lost so much in just the last 4 weeks. I'm not going to get into details, but know that my heart has been broken and shattered over and over and over again until I had lost everything. It hurt so much that I never thought it would subside, I thought that I would feel that way forever and ever and the only escape was death, but then I received a gift. It was the greatest gift I had ever received, a gift that I never knew existed, a gift that I never dared to desire: hope.

I received this gift from someone very very dear to me; this person taught me that there is such a thing as love in the world, that all the doom and gloom must break sometimes and give way, if only ever so shortly, to things that are kind and beautiful. This person taught me that you can care too much, and must sometimes walk away in order to find your way back.

I learned a lot this past month. I learned that though sometimes things might not always work out the way you planned, or wanted, or expected, they can still come out okay in the end. I learned that sometimes it takes losing something important to realize and appreciate what it is you had. I learned that sometimes you can lean too hard on people you depend on and make that person fall as well. I learned that sometimes you have to let go of things you care deeply about just to see if they'll come back. I learned that sometimes great sacrifice is necessary to eventually reap great rewards. And most importantly, I learned that sometimes you have to take a small step back right now in order to be able to take 100 steps forward later.

Which does not at all mean that it does not still hurt right now. Which does not at all mean that learning these lessons can instantly pull back together all the tiny broken pieces of my heart; there are no magical words that can accomplish that, but with the hope that I have been so generously gifted I know now that, while in my cynicism I would say "time heals NOTHING," eventually these lessons I have learned will bring me solace, and hopefully they will to you too when, god forbid, loss comes to take something away from you.

Goodnight everyone; I will see you again soon.