Lessons in Loss
Have you ever lost something important, I mean REALLY important to you, be it your father, your girlfriend, your dog, your car keys? It's a terrible fucking feeling, isn't it?
This last month I have experienced loss on a profound level, you would not even believe a person could lose so much in so short a time. I was very down about it, suicidal even, but just today I realized the lesson in it. I learned there is some, if not a lot of redemptive value in loss sometimes.
Sometimes the thing you lost is gone forever, and that is heartbreaking, and while that wound may never heal, it does get better eventually. Sometimes the thing you lost is found and returned. Sometimes the thing you lost just comes back to you.
I lost so much in just the last 4 weeks. I'm not going to get into details, but know that my heart has been broken and shattered over and over and over again until I had lost everything. It hurt so much that I never thought it would subside, I thought that I would feel that way forever and ever and the only escape was death, but then I received a gift. It was the greatest gift I had ever received, a gift that I never knew existed, a gift that I never dared to desire: hope.
I received this gift from someone very very dear to me; this person taught me that there is such a thing as love in the world, that all the doom and gloom must break sometimes and give way, if only ever so shortly, to things that are kind and beautiful. This person taught me that you can care too much, and must sometimes walk away in order to find your way back.
I learned a lot this past month. I learned that though sometimes things might not always work out the way you planned, or wanted, or expected, they can still come out okay in the end. I learned that sometimes it takes losing something important to realize and appreciate what it is you had. I learned that sometimes you can lean too hard on people you depend on and make that person fall as well. I learned that sometimes you have to let go of things you care deeply about just to see if they'll come back. I learned that sometimes great sacrifice is necessary to eventually reap great rewards. And most importantly, I learned that sometimes you have to take a small step back right now in order to be able to take 100 steps forward later.
Which does not at all mean that it does not still hurt right now. Which does not at all mean that learning these lessons can instantly pull back together all the tiny broken pieces of my heart; there are no magical words that can accomplish that, but with the hope that I have been so generously gifted I know now that, while in my cynicism I would say "time heals NOTHING," eventually these lessons I have learned will bring me solace, and hopefully they will to you too when, god forbid, loss comes to take something away from you.
Goodnight everyone; I will see you again soon.
This last month I have experienced loss on a profound level, you would not even believe a person could lose so much in so short a time. I was very down about it, suicidal even, but just today I realized the lesson in it. I learned there is some, if not a lot of redemptive value in loss sometimes.
Sometimes the thing you lost is gone forever, and that is heartbreaking, and while that wound may never heal, it does get better eventually. Sometimes the thing you lost is found and returned. Sometimes the thing you lost just comes back to you.
I lost so much in just the last 4 weeks. I'm not going to get into details, but know that my heart has been broken and shattered over and over and over again until I had lost everything. It hurt so much that I never thought it would subside, I thought that I would feel that way forever and ever and the only escape was death, but then I received a gift. It was the greatest gift I had ever received, a gift that I never knew existed, a gift that I never dared to desire: hope.
I received this gift from someone very very dear to me; this person taught me that there is such a thing as love in the world, that all the doom and gloom must break sometimes and give way, if only ever so shortly, to things that are kind and beautiful. This person taught me that you can care too much, and must sometimes walk away in order to find your way back.
I learned a lot this past month. I learned that though sometimes things might not always work out the way you planned, or wanted, or expected, they can still come out okay in the end. I learned that sometimes it takes losing something important to realize and appreciate what it is you had. I learned that sometimes you can lean too hard on people you depend on and make that person fall as well. I learned that sometimes you have to let go of things you care deeply about just to see if they'll come back. I learned that sometimes great sacrifice is necessary to eventually reap great rewards. And most importantly, I learned that sometimes you have to take a small step back right now in order to be able to take 100 steps forward later.
Which does not at all mean that it does not still hurt right now. Which does not at all mean that learning these lessons can instantly pull back together all the tiny broken pieces of my heart; there are no magical words that can accomplish that, but with the hope that I have been so generously gifted I know now that, while in my cynicism I would say "time heals NOTHING," eventually these lessons I have learned will bring me solace, and hopefully they will to you too when, god forbid, loss comes to take something away from you.
Goodnight everyone; I will see you again soon.
posted by D at 15.10.06
1 Comments:
It's hard to be lost and experience loss at the same time.
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