Sunday, April 23, 2006

the Bethesda Hillbillies

I'll make this short and sweet today.

The other day I was talking to this guy, just bullshit small talk, and when I asked the guy where he lives, he said, "North Bethesda."

"Oh, right," I replied, "'North Bethesda.' ...meaning Rockville, right?" And then he gets all upset. I'll spare you the particulars of the argument, but basically he was offended by the implication he lives in Rockville, and insisted that he lives in "North Bethesda." What the fuck is wrong with people?

For those of you unfamiliar with suburban Maryland, Bethesda is an upscale, urban township in Montgomery County, and is adjacent to Potomac, one of the richest places on Earth(no joke). These areas are what the American Dream is all about, luxury and leisure, Beverly Hills of D.C. and shit, and are the places EVERYONE around here aspires to live someday.

What's funny to me about this is how the surrounding communities have (fairly)recently begun attaching themselves to these places by re-addressing themselves "North Bethesda" or "North Potomac." I find this both hilarious and fucking pathetic. Do these people REALLY think that putting "North Potomac" on their mail means that they live in Potomac? Yeah, right. To find out if you live in Potomac, just compare your house with ANY of the houses that are ACTUALLY in Potomac. Sorry, but your shitty 2-bed 1-1/2 bath piece of shit DOESN'T EVEN REGISTER in comparison.

Sorry people, but Bethesda ENDS at the beltway. If you live NORTH of the beltway exit at Wisconsin Ave., you live in Rockville. Deal with it. Furthermore, if you live north of Potomac and can even SEE your neighbor's house, you live in Germantown. DEAL WITH IT. What you paid for your house in GERMANTOWN is what Potomac residents pay in INCOME TAX every year.

I don't see what they're problem is. Millions of people across the country would KILL to live in a place like Rockville, and that's not good enough for you? Germantown used to be Cow Town, but today it resembles Rockville more than ROCKVILLE does.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with living in Rockville or Germantown. Rockville and Germantown are GREAT places to live, and anyone who has ever lived there will tell you exactly that. And the fact is, no matter what you call them, they will NEVER be Bethesda or Potomac. So all of you sorry, sad, pathetic, status-seeking motherfuckers can stop fooling yourselves, because I assure you, you're not fooling anyone else.

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