the Beautiful People
I was just now watching "NYPD Blue" and I noticed something that's been bothering me about television for a long time. I was watching that shit, with Mark Paul Gosselor(y'know, "Zack" from "Saved By the Bell." You know you watched it!), and the fat guy, and the hot chicks. The fat guy I have no problem with. The rest, I'm sorry, but in the real world, cops don't look like that, not even in Beverly Hills. Very few television shows, hard as they may try, reflect reality, including particularly, and ironically, "reality" TV.
Think about it. Look at a show like "Law & Order," for example. GREAT show, by the way, but that's inconsequential. The original two cops on that show were Jerry Orbach, the ornery old guy, and Paul Sorvino, the fat italian guy. But as the seasons went by, the cast got perennially younger and prettier EVERY season.
Or look at a show like "CSI Las Vegas." Sure, the cast is full of beautiful people, but most of them, dressed down a bit, could pass for regular folk. But every time they cast a new spinoff, the actors get prettier and prettier. First there was "CSI Miami," and granted it's based in a city FULL of beautiful people, but c'mon! And then there was "CSI NY," based in a city NOT so full of beautiful people, and the cast is STILL gorgeous.
Sure, there are beautiful people EVERYWHERE, but I assure you, very few if any of them become cops. Or lawyers. Or doctors. You know why? Because beautiful people don't have to be skilled. Like it or not, if two equally qualified people apply for the same job but one of them is a 6 foot blonde with huge knockers and the other one is a troll, who do you think is going to get that job? Actually scratch that, because they clearly are NOT equally qualified. It fucking sucks for those of us who ARE that troll, but the sad fact is, looks matter, in life, and especially on television.
I got a little side-tracked there, but do you see the pattern developing here? TV producers and casting directors make ABSOLUTELY no attempt to reflect even SOME semblance of reality. Sure, Dennis Franz is a realistic looking guy, but the entire rest of the cast? They look like a fucking Calvin Klein ad. C,mon! NO police department looks like that!
And do you know who the worst offenders are? "Reality" shows. Far and away, the worst. Because at least the actors on shows with scripts have SOME manner of talent. "Reality" shows are cast with, VERY simply, the most beautiful people who apply. Casting directors for these shows have no tough decisions to make, they just sort through photos and tapes until they find the 5 or 10 or so prettiest ones in the pile. They cast on looks alone. They certainly don't cast on intelligence, or talent, or education, or even, god forbid, sanity. They simply pick the pretty ones, throw them in some ridiculous situation, and liquor them up so they'll ignore(or play to) the camera.
And that's the other thing that pisses me off about "reality" TV. THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING REAL ABOUT "REALITY" TV!!! Throwing strangers in a house together and filming it IS NOT REAL. Especially when you've chosen the cast based on who WON'T get along, simply for drama's sake. Throwing people on an island and not feeding them while forcing them to participate in idiotic competitions IS NOT REAL. Racing around the world? Who the fuck does that? Furthermore, there is nothing new about this shit! We've had crappy "reality" programs for 60 years, they're called "game shows." That's all they are. Shitty, fucking game shows. All they've done is taken the show out of the studio. That's retarded. It's "Crocodile Hunter" with prizes. It's "Love Connection" crossed with the fucking "Gong Show."
Some of you might think I'm pissed off about "reality" TV because I tried and failed to get on one, but I would NEVER subject myself to that bullshit, because of the myriad things my parents taught me(or tried, at least), the one I remember most, and still remains rule number one in my book, is "Never, under ANY circumstances, EVER trade dignity for money." And that's EXACTLY what these people are doing to themselves. They're just entertainment whores. But then again, they're not EVEN whores. Whores get paid. These morons are humiliating themselves just for the CHANCE to be whores. That's a fucking joke! And to turn these talentless assholes into "celebrities" is the biggest fucking joke of all.
And do you know why "reality" TV is so fake? Because "reality" is fucking boring, that's why! "Reality" is busing tables for minimum wage. "Reality" is sitting in traffic for 90 minutes to go only 5 blocks. "Reality" is morning papers, kisses goodbye, rat race all day, then start all over tomorrow. And this stuff is ALL done by people who are closer to resembling Yoda than Obi-Wan.
The only "reality" TV I can come even close to accepting is the "Jackass"-style "stunt comedy." Y'know why? Because they are NOT beautiful, they do possess at least SOME talent, even if that talent may only be fearlessness or stupidity, and they really don't give a shit if you watch it or not. It's still fake as shit, but at least they're genuinely getting hurt. And hurt=funny in my book. What's that old saying about, y'know, "You fall in a hole and die, it's a tragedy, but someone else falls in a hole and dies, it' comedy"? Is that not true? You know it is. Someone falls on their face, I don't care if it's your mother, you laugh! You'll never admit it, but you know that's funny.
And one more thing before I end this, but PLEASE, let's recognize the difference between a "celebrity" and "some asshole on TV." Rest assured, there is NO such thing as a "B" list, let alone a "C" or "D" list. If you're not on the fucking "A" list, you're just some asshole on TV. Tom Cruise? A-list. Martin Short? Some asshole on TV. Benicio Del Toro? A-list. Louie B. Anderson? Some asshole on TV. Catherine Zeta-Jones-Douglas, or whatever the fuck that bitch's name is, A-list. Vanna White? Some bitch on TV. Do you see the pattern developing here? There's only 2 types of people here, there's the ones who walk down the red carpet surrounded by cronies, and then there's the rest of us.
Sure, we'd all like to think we're on a higher list than Louie B. Anderson, but sorry, he's clearly one of us. How do I know this? He looks like my neighbors, that's how. He looks like the guy in the booth at the gas-station. He looks like a real person.
Think about it. Look at a show like "Law & Order," for example. GREAT show, by the way, but that's inconsequential. The original two cops on that show were Jerry Orbach, the ornery old guy, and Paul Sorvino, the fat italian guy. But as the seasons went by, the cast got perennially younger and prettier EVERY season.
Or look at a show like "CSI Las Vegas." Sure, the cast is full of beautiful people, but most of them, dressed down a bit, could pass for regular folk. But every time they cast a new spinoff, the actors get prettier and prettier. First there was "CSI Miami," and granted it's based in a city FULL of beautiful people, but c'mon! And then there was "CSI NY," based in a city NOT so full of beautiful people, and the cast is STILL gorgeous.
Sure, there are beautiful people EVERYWHERE, but I assure you, very few if any of them become cops. Or lawyers. Or doctors. You know why? Because beautiful people don't have to be skilled. Like it or not, if two equally qualified people apply for the same job but one of them is a 6 foot blonde with huge knockers and the other one is a troll, who do you think is going to get that job? Actually scratch that, because they clearly are NOT equally qualified. It fucking sucks for those of us who ARE that troll, but the sad fact is, looks matter, in life, and especially on television.
I got a little side-tracked there, but do you see the pattern developing here? TV producers and casting directors make ABSOLUTELY no attempt to reflect even SOME semblance of reality. Sure, Dennis Franz is a realistic looking guy, but the entire rest of the cast? They look like a fucking Calvin Klein ad. C,mon! NO police department looks like that!
And do you know who the worst offenders are? "Reality" shows. Far and away, the worst. Because at least the actors on shows with scripts have SOME manner of talent. "Reality" shows are cast with, VERY simply, the most beautiful people who apply. Casting directors for these shows have no tough decisions to make, they just sort through photos and tapes until they find the 5 or 10 or so prettiest ones in the pile. They cast on looks alone. They certainly don't cast on intelligence, or talent, or education, or even, god forbid, sanity. They simply pick the pretty ones, throw them in some ridiculous situation, and liquor them up so they'll ignore(or play to) the camera.
And that's the other thing that pisses me off about "reality" TV. THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING REAL ABOUT "REALITY" TV!!! Throwing strangers in a house together and filming it IS NOT REAL. Especially when you've chosen the cast based on who WON'T get along, simply for drama's sake. Throwing people on an island and not feeding them while forcing them to participate in idiotic competitions IS NOT REAL. Racing around the world? Who the fuck does that? Furthermore, there is nothing new about this shit! We've had crappy "reality" programs for 60 years, they're called "game shows." That's all they are. Shitty, fucking game shows. All they've done is taken the show out of the studio. That's retarded. It's "Crocodile Hunter" with prizes. It's "Love Connection" crossed with the fucking "Gong Show."
Some of you might think I'm pissed off about "reality" TV because I tried and failed to get on one, but I would NEVER subject myself to that bullshit, because of the myriad things my parents taught me(or tried, at least), the one I remember most, and still remains rule number one in my book, is "Never, under ANY circumstances, EVER trade dignity for money." And that's EXACTLY what these people are doing to themselves. They're just entertainment whores. But then again, they're not EVEN whores. Whores get paid. These morons are humiliating themselves just for the CHANCE to be whores. That's a fucking joke! And to turn these talentless assholes into "celebrities" is the biggest fucking joke of all.
And do you know why "reality" TV is so fake? Because "reality" is fucking boring, that's why! "Reality" is busing tables for minimum wage. "Reality" is sitting in traffic for 90 minutes to go only 5 blocks. "Reality" is morning papers, kisses goodbye, rat race all day, then start all over tomorrow. And this stuff is ALL done by people who are closer to resembling Yoda than Obi-Wan.
The only "reality" TV I can come even close to accepting is the "Jackass"-style "stunt comedy." Y'know why? Because they are NOT beautiful, they do possess at least SOME talent, even if that talent may only be fearlessness or stupidity, and they really don't give a shit if you watch it or not. It's still fake as shit, but at least they're genuinely getting hurt. And hurt=funny in my book. What's that old saying about, y'know, "You fall in a hole and die, it's a tragedy, but someone else falls in a hole and dies, it' comedy"? Is that not true? You know it is. Someone falls on their face, I don't care if it's your mother, you laugh! You'll never admit it, but you know that's funny.
And one more thing before I end this, but PLEASE, let's recognize the difference between a "celebrity" and "some asshole on TV." Rest assured, there is NO such thing as a "B" list, let alone a "C" or "D" list. If you're not on the fucking "A" list, you're just some asshole on TV. Tom Cruise? A-list. Martin Short? Some asshole on TV. Benicio Del Toro? A-list. Louie B. Anderson? Some asshole on TV. Catherine Zeta-Jones-Douglas, or whatever the fuck that bitch's name is, A-list. Vanna White? Some bitch on TV. Do you see the pattern developing here? There's only 2 types of people here, there's the ones who walk down the red carpet surrounded by cronies, and then there's the rest of us.
Sure, we'd all like to think we're on a higher list than Louie B. Anderson, but sorry, he's clearly one of us. How do I know this? He looks like my neighbors, that's how. He looks like the guy in the booth at the gas-station. He looks like a real person.
