It Takes A Thief

This weekend I watched a television series on the history of hip-hop. They got to the part about the Beastie Boys and that got me thinking. Apparently, a lot of black kids kind of resented the Beasties for being white, but they recognized the skills and accepted it. This was a MAJOR breakthrough because it made the music accessible to white kids for the first time, which was the first step toward making hip-hop commercially viable to the big dogs in the recording industry.

Anyway, the Beastie Boys brought hip-hop to the mainstream mainly by combining rapping and loud rock music, i.e. "You Gotta Fight(For Your Right to Party)" and "No Sleep 'Til Brooklyn." I started thinking about this and how similar it was to Ray Charles combining blues and gospel to create soul, and more importantly to this story, how Elvis combined blues with a country twang and "created" rock n' roll.

I say "created" because I have always and still do maintain that Elvis was a thief. Listen to the blues records that were popular with blacks at the time and then listen to Elvis' first recordings. Fact is, early rock n' roll was EXACTLY the blues, except performed by white people. Exact same chords, exact same changes, exact same tempos, EVERYTHING about blues and rock n' roll was identical except for the subject matter and the color of the skin of the person singing it. This really pissed me off for a long time because I never saw the connection before. I belong to the first generation to "get" hip-hop. I and everybody my age literally grew up with the music, through its every permutation, its entire metamorphosis into the monstrous force it has become in not just American music, but American culture as well. Much the way, to my chagrin, Elvis brought the blues to white kids, who embraced and took the music in their own direction.

The reason I say Elvis was a thief is because he got famous singing other people's songs. "Hound Dog?" Big Mama Thornton's biggest hit. But most of you have never heard of Big Mama Thornton because ELVIS WAS A THIEF. Or at the very least, his producers and songwriters were thieves. That's right, it wasn't until relatively late in is career that Elvis actually wrote his own songs. Even the songs that were written for him were pretty much just plaigerized from old blues tunes, with new "white" lyrics added. But given this latest epiphany of mine, maybe he was really doing the rest of us non-southern-non-blacks a favor by bringing this music to our attention.

I still don't like Elvis' music, I still don't really respect him at all, I still like to say "Elvis was a thief" to people, but I have to admit I might have unfairly judged the man at first. I now realize he was really just the right guy at the right time in the right place. The stars aligned and blessed this particular guy with a random series of events beyond his own control that made him what he became and still remains in many people's eyes, "the King." I still maintain that he was a thief, capitalizing on the hard work and creativity of infinitely more deserving and exponentially more talented black musicians, but I may have to take a little bit of the edge off of that one. Someday. But I guess that in a euro-caucasoid American culture, dominated by whites since forever, sometimes it takes a thief to bring us together.

We Don't Need No Water...

Once again, a bill is working its way through congress to outlaw flag-burning. This latest piece of bureaucratic bullshit just passed the House and is now on its way to the Senate. Don't these people get it? How can we pass laws which contradict other laws?

Ever heard of "Freedom of Speech?" It's what's being trampled in Congress right this very moment. I certainly don't enjoy seeing an American flag burning, I've been conditioned, like everyone else, over the years to percieve such a thing as a personal affront and a threat. But the constitutional rights of every single citizen in this nation CLEARLY state that to do so is also completely legal. If I or any one of you out there wants to burn a flag, for any reason, you are COMPLETELY free to do so.

The First Amendment is the FIRST amendment because IT'S THAT IMPORTANT. Only a country where the most heinous, ignorant, hateful things can be said out loud without fear of legal reprisal is a country that is truly free. Listing the things a "free" person is not free to do should NOT be a very long list. Don't kill, maim, or abuse anyone, don't steal, and don't fuck your sister. That's pretty much it.

The real problem here, and no I'm not going to go into detail about it, there will likely be a whole posting about this, is a concept I like to call "the Lowest Common Denominator." What this is, basically it's the phenomenon of how EVERYTHING must be accessible to the STUPIDEST people among us. And so, and this is NOT because I hate religion, it's just a fact, generally these people are very devout Christians. And what Christians LOVE to do more than anything else is tell everybody else what to do. And because this country is run ENTIRELY by Christians of one type or another, we have lawbooks stacked up into outer space detailing the most insignificant offenses. And then they want to mess with everything else. THIS is what WE should do with YOUR social security. THIS is what WE have decided you are allowed to put in your body. THIS is the line WE have drawn on YOUR rights to free speech. Fucking bullshit.

I kind of got off point there, the point being that the American flag represents YOUR constitutional right to burn it. Simple as that.

Smoke Banshee

A few days ago I was standing outside the building where I work, smoking, and this old man came over and started giving me shit about it.

"Don't you know that-" he started, but I cut him off.
"That these things will kill me? Yes." I said to him, "I am also FULLY aware that cigarettes have been conclusively proven to cause cancer, emphysema, birth defects, heart disease, and all types of other respiratory ailments. Yes, I know ALL of this, and I do it anyway. WHAT?!"
"Well... just so you know..." he trailed off, but as he turned to walk away, he had to start with the second-hand shit. "I don't care if you want to kill yourself, but-" and I cut him off again.
"My second-hand smoke is killing people around me, is that it?" I asked.
"Exactly. So why don't you-"
"So why don't I stop for everyone else's sake?" I replied, "Because I don't give a shit, that's why. I've already been forced out into the cold of winter, the rain of spring, the heat of summer, and the wind and cold of autumn by all of you self-righteous non-smoking assholes. THIS is the space I've been given, and I'm KEEPING IT. If YOU don't like it, then get the fuck away from me!" I said to him, blowing my smoke right in his face. He huffed and walked away.

Seriously, why the fuck do non-smokers think they have the right to tell me and my brethren how and where we're going to smoke our COMPLETELY LEGAL cigarettes. I don't say, "Do you mind eating? I'm trying to smoke here," to them. I don't ask them to take their coffee outside because the fumes bother me. "It's a health issue" they always fire back with. Yeah, it IS a health issue, FOR ME. Let ME worry about that shit, asshole.

Really, these people don't give a shit whether I'm killing myself with cancer-sticks, they only care about their own pathetic selfish need to feel better about themselves for NOT doing it. So they try to pass laws that I can't smoke inside public buildings. Fine. No problem. But when they start telling me I can't smoke OUTSIDE, that's where a line HAS to be drawn. You don't own the fucking air. If I want to blow smoke into the wind, THAT'S MY FUCKING BUSINESS, NOT YOURS.

And I don't wanna hear any shit about second-hand smoke either. Any report you've ever heard or read stating that second-hand smoke is proven to cause health issues is BULLSHIT. The FACT is that second-hand smoke has NEVER been proven to do ANYTHING to people besides a bit of nuisance. You don't have to believe me, you can look it up. And by look it up I DON'T mean go to the American Lung Association's web page, because they are obviously biased. In fact, don't look up anything written by a medical doctor, those guys are all biased as well. If you want REAL, genuine, objective research, get it from real, genuine, objective scientists. Doctors have an agenda to push. Scientists do not.

The ONLY "health issue" cigarettes pose for me is my OWN health. No, I won't smoke at work, and no, I won't smoke in the elevator or whatever, but if I'm sitting in the designated "smoking area" of a restaurant or bar and you give me shit about it, my suggestion would have to be for YOU TO MOVE. Saying something to me about it is only going to ensure that I chain-smoke all night and blow it all directly at you. I'm following the rules, so fuck you! Maybe there should be a no-bitching section for all the non-smokers to sit in so the rest of us can smoke in peace.

Look, the point is, if you really hate it that much, MAKE IT ILLEGAL. Otherwise, I'm gonna smoke wherever the fuck I can, just because I can. I'm standing HERE, and I'm gonna smoke. If you don't like it, take your grandmother and your baby SOMEWHERE FUCKING ELSE.