Terrorism = Natural Selection

Sometimes it's fun to fuck with people. Actually, it's ALWAYS fun to fuck with people. Especially the scared ones. The religious, the hypocondriacs, the terrorism-paranoid, it's ALL good, wholesome, family fun. Let's go find some weak people and exploit them, shall we?

I know a guy that manages a grocery store. He's absolutely TERRIFIED of everything ever since 9/11. So I like to fuck with him.
"Hey, you should evacuate the store, I found some mysterious white powder on the floor."
"WHAT?! WHERE?!"
"In the baking aisle, right in front of the flour."
This man is an idiot, and if I knew how, I would direct Al Quaeda right to his front fucking door.

Remember that "alert" on the news, telling everyone they could protect themselves from chemical attack with plastic sheeting and duct tape? Think about it. PLASTIC AND DUCT TAPE! C'mon, are you fucking serious? The crazy part of this, is that people FLOCKED to the fucking store, HOARDING this shit. One guy actually sealed up his home so well that he FUCKING SUFFOCATED. Morons. THINK a little.

Consider this : In World War I, BOTH sides used an exceedingly large amount of poison gas on each other, mostly mustard gas. Now mustard gas, while not exactly sarin, will still cause an incredibly excruciating death, relatively quickly. The problem that mustard gas users encountered though, was that they KEPT RUNNING OUT BEFORE ACTUALLY KILLING ANYONE. So, they just produced more and more of the shit, and released ever-increasing amounts of it onto the battlefield. I'm not sure of the exact numbers, but calculating out the amount of gas released, divided by the number of deaths attributable to it, you get something like 40 tons. FORTY FUCKING TONS OF GAS for every single man killed by it. Think about it. FORTY FUCKING TONS. Of GAS. That's a hell of an inefficient way to kill people, then AND today. In today's money that's like eleven million dollars per kill. ELEVEN MILLION DOLLARS. Bullets cost pennies apiece. Nukes cost millions, but you end up paying only about a dollar per death. THINK ABOUT IT. Which would YOU choose?

So let me say this : Those who are most paranoid about terrorism are the ones who will NEVER be subject to attack. Here in D.C., we ACTUALLY GOT ATTACKED, we will NEVER NOT be a target, and people around here generally just accept it and go on with their lives. Yet people in little one-road towns across middle America(read:white people) are petitioning the government for BILLIONS of dollars to purchase equipment and manpower that will NEVER BE USED. Not to fight terrorism, at least. These people either have HUGE egos, or they are just plain idiots. The goal of terrorism is very simple, it requires two very important things : number one, kill a bunch of people. Number two, be SEEN killing a bunch of people. Terrorism is only terrorism if other people see it. In this case, a tree falling in the woods DOES NOT MAKE A SOUND. Nobody will care if Al Quaeda blows up the 7-11 at the end of Main Street, U.S.A. CNN WILL NOT COME RUNNING. Terrorists are not interested in killing rednecks in your town, they are only interested in killing the rednecks in the fucking White House. Sure, they do it in a roundabout sort of way, but that's really what they're about. It's about destabilizing our money, our bureaucracy, our very ways of life. And to YOU, Joe Schmo, THIS MEANS ABSOLUTELY DICK.

Sure, we'll lose a few unlucky souls here and there from time to time, that's inevitable. But the simple fact is this : You are exponentially more likely to be killed in a highway pileup on your way to work in the morning than to be poisoned, shot, stabbed, or blown the fuck up by terrorists. So STOP WATCHING THE FUCKING NEWS AND LIVE YOUR PATHETIC FUCKING LITTLE LIVES. In this case, ignorance IS bliss. Frankly, the less I know about it, the happier I am. Even though I DO live in target number one...

Evian Sunk My Battleship

The other day I was watching a George Carlin special on cable and he said something that struck me. He was talking about how he travels all over the country doing shows, and at every show he asks the audience "How's the water around here?" He ALWAYS gets a negative response, he said, which struck me as very, very odd. George Carlin then went off in a different direction, but I was still pondering the water.

People all over this country have a very low opinion of their tap water, while they swear by their pure, clean, mountain-spring fresh store bought bottled water. This is completely fucking insane. Is everyone in this country so brainwashed by their fucking televisions that they can't see through the BULLSHIT that is bottled water?

Ask any random person on the street if they would rather drink from the kitchen faucet in their own homes, or from a factory produced bottle of so-called "spring water?" and you will find that pretty much 100% of them will choose the bottled water. Why? Because people are fucking idiots, that's why. A few minutes of actual thought are all that's required to poke holes in all the arguments for drinking bottled water, and I'm not going to give you all of them, I'll just give you one fact which should hopefully be all that's required.

Consider this : Tap water is regulated by the EPA. The EPA's regulations on tap water are thicker than several phone books combined. There are literally hundreds of thousands of people across the nation whose ONLY JOB is to make sure the water that comes out of YOUR TAP is clean, safe to drink, and even tastes good.

Bottled water, on the other hand, is "regulated" by the FDA. The FDA has exactly NO ONE overseeing this shit. There are billions of gallon of this shit being sold every single day, at ridiculous fucking prices, and I assure you NOBODY has examined, tested, or inspected that shit that you probably have in your fridge right now. That shit could contain ANYTHING. The ingredients say "water" and that's it. You don't know who's putting that shit in that bottle! You don't know what mineral or chemical compounds are dissolved in that shit! You don't have ANY information on there. You don't even know where it came from, really. God forbid, it could even have actually come from the DREADED MUNICIPAL WATER SYSTEM THAT YOU REFUSE TO DRINK WITHOUT PAYING A DOLLAR A GALLON FOR IT. That's right, up to 80% of all bottled "spring" water is actually coming to you directly through THE TAP.

There's some very simple math at work here, and it's all costing YOU a ton of money. Bottled water can cost from one to even five or six dollars a gallon, depending on where the marketing department decides it came from(really, why the fuck is it better to drink water from Hawaii? They got the same pollutants we got here). Tap water is essentially free. You do the math. Just put the fucking Evian down first.