Football? or Football?
Today I'm REALLY gonna piss some of you off. Because today I'm going to be talking about something that I have found to be a very touchy subject with a lot of people: soccer.
The other day I was at work and some of my co-workers are HUGE soccer fans. They were busy discussing it, and I was a little bored, so I felt like fucking with them.
I yelled across the room, "HEY! SOCCER IS A SALLY-ASS GAME FOR FUCKING PUSSIES!"
Well to no one's surprise, a HUGE argument ensued, pretty much everybody against me. But I held my ground, no matter what their argument was, because while I understand soccer is the world's most popular sport, I just don't get it. The gist of my argument toward them was something like this: I said, "I'm sorry, but any sport in which the most likely outcome of any given game is a tie, that's pussy."
Sorry, but I really do believe that. Same thing applies to hockey. I just don't get it. Ties? Draws? Stalemate? Whatever you want to call it, it's fucking sally. That's why soccer is the most popular sport with little girls, so nobody will go home feeling bad.
Now I've got nothing against soccer fans, nor do I have anything against soccer players. You like what you like, you do what you do, that's your business. I just don't get it.
Yes, I understand soccer is the world's most beloved sport. Yes, I understand soccer is popular around the world because it's simple and requires minimal equipment(just a ball). Yes, I understand it's the only sport accessible to most of the world because they have no money. I get ALL that. What I DON'T get is how people can get so worked up over a game that is SO FUCKING BORING.
Soccer is a fucking blast to play, that I will readily admit. But WATCHING game after game of it? Sitting around for hours watching NOTHING HAPPEN? A game where a single goal in the first or the last minute of play could very likely decide the outcome? Sorry, but that's fucking boring. Even more boring than hockey. At least hockey is fun when you're there. Even more boring than baseball. I can admit that baseball is REALLY fucking boring, and I happen to LOVE baseball. At least there's SOMETHING happening in baseball, if you subtract all of the built-in downtime. All I see when I watch soccer is people running back and forth for 90 minutes.
What would make soccer not boring? Up the scoring. I realize it's a defensive game at its core, but that's what makes it boring. Sure, it's a beautiful thing when there IS a goal scored, that's no doubt, but the hour of running around to get that one gorgeous play, to me it's just not worth it. The goal is HUGE and still most teams only manage A score a game. What I would do, and I know this would make it a different game, but I would pull the keeper and make the goal A LOT smaller. I want double-digit scores. I want basketball with feet. I want games to come down to the very last possession, not this boring-ass score once and play keep-a-way for the rest of the game shit.
Now I know I'm not going to convince anybody of anything, if you already like soccer you will continue to, and will likely send me an angry e-mail telling me so, I'm just saying that I, personally, don't get it. Just like I don't get NASCAR. If I want to watch cars going nowhere, I'll just get on the Capitol Beltway. Just like I don't get the pussy-fication of football. Football's got a rule book thick as a fucking encyclopedia. Tuck rule?! Bullshit. You can't even really HIT a guy anymore. But that's another article entirely...
So there it is. C'mon, I'm ready for the shitstorm, let me have it.
The other day I was at work and some of my co-workers are HUGE soccer fans. They were busy discussing it, and I was a little bored, so I felt like fucking with them.
I yelled across the room, "HEY! SOCCER IS A SALLY-ASS GAME FOR FUCKING PUSSIES!"
Well to no one's surprise, a HUGE argument ensued, pretty much everybody against me. But I held my ground, no matter what their argument was, because while I understand soccer is the world's most popular sport, I just don't get it. The gist of my argument toward them was something like this: I said, "I'm sorry, but any sport in which the most likely outcome of any given game is a tie, that's pussy."
Sorry, but I really do believe that. Same thing applies to hockey. I just don't get it. Ties? Draws? Stalemate? Whatever you want to call it, it's fucking sally. That's why soccer is the most popular sport with little girls, so nobody will go home feeling bad.
Now I've got nothing against soccer fans, nor do I have anything against soccer players. You like what you like, you do what you do, that's your business. I just don't get it.
Yes, I understand soccer is the world's most beloved sport. Yes, I understand soccer is popular around the world because it's simple and requires minimal equipment(just a ball). Yes, I understand it's the only sport accessible to most of the world because they have no money. I get ALL that. What I DON'T get is how people can get so worked up over a game that is SO FUCKING BORING.
Soccer is a fucking blast to play, that I will readily admit. But WATCHING game after game of it? Sitting around for hours watching NOTHING HAPPEN? A game where a single goal in the first or the last minute of play could very likely decide the outcome? Sorry, but that's fucking boring. Even more boring than hockey. At least hockey is fun when you're there. Even more boring than baseball. I can admit that baseball is REALLY fucking boring, and I happen to LOVE baseball. At least there's SOMETHING happening in baseball, if you subtract all of the built-in downtime. All I see when I watch soccer is people running back and forth for 90 minutes.
What would make soccer not boring? Up the scoring. I realize it's a defensive game at its core, but that's what makes it boring. Sure, it's a beautiful thing when there IS a goal scored, that's no doubt, but the hour of running around to get that one gorgeous play, to me it's just not worth it. The goal is HUGE and still most teams only manage A score a game. What I would do, and I know this would make it a different game, but I would pull the keeper and make the goal A LOT smaller. I want double-digit scores. I want basketball with feet. I want games to come down to the very last possession, not this boring-ass score once and play keep-a-way for the rest of the game shit.
Now I know I'm not going to convince anybody of anything, if you already like soccer you will continue to, and will likely send me an angry e-mail telling me so, I'm just saying that I, personally, don't get it. Just like I don't get NASCAR. If I want to watch cars going nowhere, I'll just get on the Capitol Beltway. Just like I don't get the pussy-fication of football. Football's got a rule book thick as a fucking encyclopedia. Tuck rule?! Bullshit. You can't even really HIT a guy anymore. But that's another article entirely...
So there it is. C'mon, I'm ready for the shitstorm, let me have it.
posted by D at 25.10.05
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