Smoke Banshee
A few days ago I was standing outside the building where I work, smoking, and this old man came over and started giving me shit about it.
"Don't you know that-" he started, but I cut him off.
"That these things will kill me? Yes." I said to him, "I am also FULLY aware that cigarettes have been conclusively proven to cause cancer, emphysema, birth defects, heart disease, and all types of other respiratory ailments. Yes, I know ALL of this, and I do it anyway. WHAT?!"
"Well... just so you know..." he trailed off, but as he turned to walk away, he had to start with the second-hand shit. "I don't care if you want to kill yourself, but-" and I cut him off again.
"My second-hand smoke is killing people around me, is that it?" I asked.
"Exactly. So why don't you-"
"So why don't I stop for everyone else's sake?" I replied, "Because I don't give a shit, that's why. I've already been forced out into the cold of winter, the rain of spring, the heat of summer, and the wind and cold of autumn by all of you self-righteous non-smoking assholes. THIS is the space I've been given, and I'm KEEPING IT. If YOU don't like it, then get the fuck away from me!" I said to him, blowing my smoke right in his face. He huffed and walked away.
Seriously, why the fuck do non-smokers think they have the right to tell me and my brethren how and where we're going to smoke our COMPLETELY LEGAL cigarettes. I don't say, "Do you mind eating? I'm trying to smoke here," to them. I don't ask them to take their coffee outside because the fumes bother me. "It's a health issue" they always fire back with. Yeah, it IS a health issue, FOR ME. Let ME worry about that shit, asshole.
Really, these people don't give a shit whether I'm killing myself with cancer-sticks, they only care about their own pathetic selfish need to feel better about themselves for NOT doing it. So they try to pass laws that I can't smoke inside public buildings. Fine. No problem. But when they start telling me I can't smoke OUTSIDE, that's where a line HAS to be drawn. You don't own the fucking air. If I want to blow smoke into the wind, THAT'S MY FUCKING BUSINESS, NOT YOURS.
And I don't wanna hear any shit about second-hand smoke either. Any report you've ever heard or read stating that second-hand smoke is proven to cause health issues is BULLSHIT. The FACT is that second-hand smoke has NEVER been proven to do ANYTHING to people besides a bit of nuisance. You don't have to believe me, you can look it up. And by look it up I DON'T mean go to the American Lung Association's web page, because they are obviously biased. In fact, don't look up anything written by a medical doctor, those guys are all biased as well. If you want REAL, genuine, objective research, get it from real, genuine, objective scientists. Doctors have an agenda to push. Scientists do not.
The ONLY "health issue" cigarettes pose for me is my OWN health. No, I won't smoke at work, and no, I won't smoke in the elevator or whatever, but if I'm sitting in the designated "smoking area" of a restaurant or bar and you give me shit about it, my suggestion would have to be for YOU TO MOVE. Saying something to me about it is only going to ensure that I chain-smoke all night and blow it all directly at you. I'm following the rules, so fuck you! Maybe there should be a no-bitching section for all the non-smokers to sit in so the rest of us can smoke in peace.
Look, the point is, if you really hate it that much, MAKE IT ILLEGAL. Otherwise, I'm gonna smoke wherever the fuck I can, just because I can. I'm standing HERE, and I'm gonna smoke. If you don't like it, take your grandmother and your baby SOMEWHERE FUCKING ELSE.
"Don't you know that-" he started, but I cut him off.
"That these things will kill me? Yes." I said to him, "I am also FULLY aware that cigarettes have been conclusively proven to cause cancer, emphysema, birth defects, heart disease, and all types of other respiratory ailments. Yes, I know ALL of this, and I do it anyway. WHAT?!"
"Well... just so you know..." he trailed off, but as he turned to walk away, he had to start with the second-hand shit. "I don't care if you want to kill yourself, but-" and I cut him off again.
"My second-hand smoke is killing people around me, is that it?" I asked.
"Exactly. So why don't you-"
"So why don't I stop for everyone else's sake?" I replied, "Because I don't give a shit, that's why. I've already been forced out into the cold of winter, the rain of spring, the heat of summer, and the wind and cold of autumn by all of you self-righteous non-smoking assholes. THIS is the space I've been given, and I'm KEEPING IT. If YOU don't like it, then get the fuck away from me!" I said to him, blowing my smoke right in his face. He huffed and walked away.
Seriously, why the fuck do non-smokers think they have the right to tell me and my brethren how and where we're going to smoke our COMPLETELY LEGAL cigarettes. I don't say, "Do you mind eating? I'm trying to smoke here," to them. I don't ask them to take their coffee outside because the fumes bother me. "It's a health issue" they always fire back with. Yeah, it IS a health issue, FOR ME. Let ME worry about that shit, asshole.
Really, these people don't give a shit whether I'm killing myself with cancer-sticks, they only care about their own pathetic selfish need to feel better about themselves for NOT doing it. So they try to pass laws that I can't smoke inside public buildings. Fine. No problem. But when they start telling me I can't smoke OUTSIDE, that's where a line HAS to be drawn. You don't own the fucking air. If I want to blow smoke into the wind, THAT'S MY FUCKING BUSINESS, NOT YOURS.
And I don't wanna hear any shit about second-hand smoke either. Any report you've ever heard or read stating that second-hand smoke is proven to cause health issues is BULLSHIT. The FACT is that second-hand smoke has NEVER been proven to do ANYTHING to people besides a bit of nuisance. You don't have to believe me, you can look it up. And by look it up I DON'T mean go to the American Lung Association's web page, because they are obviously biased. In fact, don't look up anything written by a medical doctor, those guys are all biased as well. If you want REAL, genuine, objective research, get it from real, genuine, objective scientists. Doctors have an agenda to push. Scientists do not.
The ONLY "health issue" cigarettes pose for me is my OWN health. No, I won't smoke at work, and no, I won't smoke in the elevator or whatever, but if I'm sitting in the designated "smoking area" of a restaurant or bar and you give me shit about it, my suggestion would have to be for YOU TO MOVE. Saying something to me about it is only going to ensure that I chain-smoke all night and blow it all directly at you. I'm following the rules, so fuck you! Maybe there should be a no-bitching section for all the non-smokers to sit in so the rest of us can smoke in peace.
Look, the point is, if you really hate it that much, MAKE IT ILLEGAL. Otherwise, I'm gonna smoke wherever the fuck I can, just because I can. I'm standing HERE, and I'm gonna smoke. If you don't like it, take your grandmother and your baby SOMEWHERE FUCKING ELSE.
posted by D at 21.6.05
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home