Fat Bottom Girls
The other day I was at the grocery store and as I was walking down the baking aisle I noticed that there was almost no cake mix on the shelf. I thought, "Who the fuck is eating all this goddamn cake?" And then I looked around at the other customers. A few elderly people, some MILF's here and there, and then there was this HUGE fucking gastropod of a woman riding around in one of those motorized carts that stores provide, and walking next to her was, I assume, her husband, who was also definitely NOT a fashion model. How the fuck do people do that to themselves?
Back when I was in college I worked as a checker at Safeway and I remember the SHIT that people bought for themselves and their families. It was simultaneously hilarious and tragic when a 400 pound woman would come through my line with a cart full of diet sodas, junk food, and then, like 10 cases of Slim Fast, like that shit offsets each other. I look at these people and I just KNOW that they think a package of Oreo's is one serving. And this was NOT a rare occurance at ALL. This was literally every other customer. No bullshit.
Next time you visit a grocery store, as you walk around, take note of all the things you see where the primary selling point is either chocolate, cheese, bacon, or frosting. I shit you not, one or more of these four things is in just about EVERYTHING. I guarantee you will find this to be absolutely true. EVERYTHING comes in some variety with one of these things, and then people wonder why their asses weigh 300 pounds. C'mon! You may also notice that pretty much everything is available in three different categories : regular, "light," and fat free. Is it REALLY that hard to NOT eat fuckin' ice cream? Can these people REALLY not start their day with a box of Pop-Tarts? Why don't people have self-fuckin'-control? Are their lives really so empty that they have to drown their sorrows in chocolate syrup? And getting back to Pop-Tarts, I really hope that parents aren't feeding that shit to their kids and thinking it's healthy. Look at the flavors they come in! Hot Fudge Sundae? S'mores? That is NOT a healthy fuckin' breakfast! You might as well just pour 'em a bowl of sugar with some Flintstones vitamins crushed in it and be done with it. At least you'll know what the fuck they're getting.
I'm sorry, but these people are fuckin' pathetic. Get your ass out from behind the desk, put down the fuckin' Dunkin' Donuts box and walk your fat ass around the block, for Christ's sake! Now they got this fuckin' Atkins bullshit, which is not an entirely terrible thing, even though I think it's bullshit, but then Atkins offers all of these chocolate bars and cinnamon sugar cereals and strawberry shakes and shit, because, I can only guess, fat people just CANNOT live without sugar! What the fuck is wrong these people?!
It only goes to prove that fat people are the world's biggest suckers. All the fad diets, all the excercise machines, all the diet pills, all of that crap is BULLSHIT. I've got the ONLY foolproof, ABSOLUTELY scientifically proven way to lose weight permanently, and here it is, completely free of charge : EAT LESS AND EXCERCISE. That's all. That's it. That's the only thing that works for ANYBODY. Except that people, ALL people, are fucking lazy. If they think they can lose weight WITHOUT actually having to move their big fat ass, they'll be more than willing to go broke doing it. And THAT is what all of the proponents of these diets are counting on, NOT because they want you to lose weight, but because they want you to be reliant on their products for the rest of your life. Curing fat people is what they say they're trying to do, but really they're like drug dealers. Try it once, lose a few bullshit pounds here and there, and as long as people see SOME results, even if it's a meaningless 3 pounds, they'll keep coming back for more, even though in the long run, they'll only get fatter and fatter.
The real problem is that people want "value." It's not a good value to pay $10 for a steak the size of a playing card, even though that's really all the protein our body needs in a day. And that perception of "value" makes things like steaks the size of boogie boards possible. People go into a restaurant, order a meal, get enough food for themselves that could easily nourish their entire family, and eat the whole thing alone. That's ridiculous! Americans have NO CLUE what a reasonable sized portion looks like. This is America, and EVERYTHING has to be BIG here, including meals, and that is just fucking pathetic.
Here's a simple fuckin' rule that will carry you to slim svelte-ness in no time : If you HAVE to buy the reduced-whatever kind, MAYBE YOU JUST SHOULDN'T BE EATING THAT SHIT. Every time I see some 300 pound motherfucker riding around in one of those motorized carts because they're just too FAT to walk on their own, I just want to run them the fuck over, except my car would probably just bounce off. People, learn to fucking eat right, learn to fucking excercize, and for God's sake, don't EVER eat fast food. Or do yourselves and everybody else a favor and just shoot yourselves.
Back when I was in college I worked as a checker at Safeway and I remember the SHIT that people bought for themselves and their families. It was simultaneously hilarious and tragic when a 400 pound woman would come through my line with a cart full of diet sodas, junk food, and then, like 10 cases of Slim Fast, like that shit offsets each other. I look at these people and I just KNOW that they think a package of Oreo's is one serving. And this was NOT a rare occurance at ALL. This was literally every other customer. No bullshit.
Next time you visit a grocery store, as you walk around, take note of all the things you see where the primary selling point is either chocolate, cheese, bacon, or frosting. I shit you not, one or more of these four things is in just about EVERYTHING. I guarantee you will find this to be absolutely true. EVERYTHING comes in some variety with one of these things, and then people wonder why their asses weigh 300 pounds. C'mon! You may also notice that pretty much everything is available in three different categories : regular, "light," and fat free. Is it REALLY that hard to NOT eat fuckin' ice cream? Can these people REALLY not start their day with a box of Pop-Tarts? Why don't people have self-fuckin'-control? Are their lives really so empty that they have to drown their sorrows in chocolate syrup? And getting back to Pop-Tarts, I really hope that parents aren't feeding that shit to their kids and thinking it's healthy. Look at the flavors they come in! Hot Fudge Sundae? S'mores? That is NOT a healthy fuckin' breakfast! You might as well just pour 'em a bowl of sugar with some Flintstones vitamins crushed in it and be done with it. At least you'll know what the fuck they're getting.
I'm sorry, but these people are fuckin' pathetic. Get your ass out from behind the desk, put down the fuckin' Dunkin' Donuts box and walk your fat ass around the block, for Christ's sake! Now they got this fuckin' Atkins bullshit, which is not an entirely terrible thing, even though I think it's bullshit, but then Atkins offers all of these chocolate bars and cinnamon sugar cereals and strawberry shakes and shit, because, I can only guess, fat people just CANNOT live without sugar! What the fuck is wrong these people?!
It only goes to prove that fat people are the world's biggest suckers. All the fad diets, all the excercise machines, all the diet pills, all of that crap is BULLSHIT. I've got the ONLY foolproof, ABSOLUTELY scientifically proven way to lose weight permanently, and here it is, completely free of charge : EAT LESS AND EXCERCISE. That's all. That's it. That's the only thing that works for ANYBODY. Except that people, ALL people, are fucking lazy. If they think they can lose weight WITHOUT actually having to move their big fat ass, they'll be more than willing to go broke doing it. And THAT is what all of the proponents of these diets are counting on, NOT because they want you to lose weight, but because they want you to be reliant on their products for the rest of your life. Curing fat people is what they say they're trying to do, but really they're like drug dealers. Try it once, lose a few bullshit pounds here and there, and as long as people see SOME results, even if it's a meaningless 3 pounds, they'll keep coming back for more, even though in the long run, they'll only get fatter and fatter.
The real problem is that people want "value." It's not a good value to pay $10 for a steak the size of a playing card, even though that's really all the protein our body needs in a day. And that perception of "value" makes things like steaks the size of boogie boards possible. People go into a restaurant, order a meal, get enough food for themselves that could easily nourish their entire family, and eat the whole thing alone. That's ridiculous! Americans have NO CLUE what a reasonable sized portion looks like. This is America, and EVERYTHING has to be BIG here, including meals, and that is just fucking pathetic.
Here's a simple fuckin' rule that will carry you to slim svelte-ness in no time : If you HAVE to buy the reduced-whatever kind, MAYBE YOU JUST SHOULDN'T BE EATING THAT SHIT. Every time I see some 300 pound motherfucker riding around in one of those motorized carts because they're just too FAT to walk on their own, I just want to run them the fuck over, except my car would probably just bounce off. People, learn to fucking eat right, learn to fucking excercize, and for God's sake, don't EVER eat fast food. Or do yourselves and everybody else a favor and just shoot yourselves.
posted by D at 29.5.05
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